Would you like a cookie?

Today was a pretty crazy day. Really it started last night at 1030pm saying hey dont come in in the morning your working tomm night and the whole weekend of night shifts. We finally have a weekend to work together on the house and Jarrod has to work night. It is so frustrating. Not to mention that poor Jarrod is now going to end up working at least 12 hour days 8 days in a row! So to celebrate our misfortune we went down to Roanoke, went to hhgregg and spent a ton of money, had some tex-mex and went home. We bought a new 50" tv (so didn't need) and a 5.0 c-ft freezer (which we kinda need). HHgregg was fantastic! The store was clean, the customer service wonderful, everything was so new and shiny, it was easy to get carried away (hence the 50" tv). NOw we are going to need to sell the ol 37" sony we have which is only like a year old and was a great deal itself but just not big enough since we use this tv for a computer screen. I feel a little bit like we went over board and I was thinking as I made my husband a treat to make up for giving him bad new while on his crappy night shift(overdraft on a checking ridiculous!) is there any way I reward myself other than food and stuff? What else can you reward yourself with? How can I find that? I wish I liked running or kayaking or hiking in a way that I could feel like I did great today I deserve a half hour run. There are just so few things that I can give myself that doesn't cost something. Also why do I need a reward in the first place? Is it just our culture that if bad things happen to you, you feel like you deserve something to make up for it? Even though I can't find a job and my son has a disability there are millions of people who have it worse than me. I wish I could get rid of that sense of entitlement. But I am lost on what to replace it with.

It's the little things

Yesterday we had our team meeting with our therapists. While working with the physical therapist George did tummy time for 3 whole minutes!! I know this may seem like nothing but just in the end of February he couldn't tolerate more than five seconds. I remember when I read about his conditions and talked to the parents everything said that the smallest things are going to seem like the most incredible accomplishment and I truly have seen that in the past few weeks. I have been terrified with his earaches (the first meds didn't work so he just got worse and worse!) but other than that I have so much hope for him. I can't wait until he gets that giant noggin lifted while on his tummy. Really every day with George is a miracle. I am so lucky to have such a special little man. :)

Yay Nurse!

My new nurse is fantastic. I know last I wrote that I was considering getting rid of the service but she makes it all seem much more worth while. She is on time and she is reliable, she makes sure George does all his streches and tummy time, she alerts me when something has changed or if she notices something off. Because she is so good about making him do his tummy time he is finally starting to enjoy it and lift up his head. Also if it wasn't for her I never would have realized he had an ear infection. I really think that our new nurse can be an integral part in George's development. And she makes me feel comfortable trying to go back to work part-time.

Shouldn't this be something that isn't a hassel?

For the past few months I have been lucky enough to have a nursing service that sends a nurse to my house to help with George. This all started after George's Nissen surgery because the hospital staff was appalled at the fact that I, a nonmedical person, was home alone with no help taking care of my own son. I was extremely hesitant to start because I was so nervous about bringing someone in to my "turf" to take care of my son. I felt like it would make me a bad mother because I was a stay at home mother so what in the world would I need with a nurse. But eventually the hospital staff and my home health nurse convinced me to try it and I had a wonderful nurse come and take care of George. I was lucky enough to have a nurse with the opinion that as the mother I would know what George needed and who seemed competent enough that I was okay leaving him alone with her. I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe I could start going back to work.

Than it started to become unreliable. My nurse got sick, her son got sick, it snowed and she couldn't get out of her driveway, she was running late for this reason or that, she had a doctor's appt etc etc etc. They all seemed like good excuses but there were a lot of them and all I could think is what the hell would I do if I had to go to work today? I would be screwed. Because you can't take a special needs 7 month old into work with you. It doesn't work. Luckily I had my nurse during the hardest months when George was recovering from surgery but as George recovers back to his usual self I'm starting to realize that really there is very little that makes me different than a mommy with a normal baby. In fact there are things that make it easier for me. George can sleep when he eats. Due to his paralyzed vocal chords his cry is like a tiny mew that is more cute and heart breaking than irritating. Taking George out on errands is difficult, but it would be if he didn't have the condition he does because HES A BABY.

So today when my nurse didn't show up. And I called the nursing office to find out "Sorry it was a miscommunication, it was my fault". I started to think is this a hassel really worth it. Not only am I expected to constantly babysit my coordinator than whether I'm home or not, whether I have company or not there is a person in my house Monday through Friday from 9 to 5 and I do not live in a large house. 1200 square feet and the nurse hangs out in the two rooms that I use the most. And they are here on days Jarrod works so if we need to do something together George has to come with us. What I really need is someone to come sit with him when I have a drs appt or I want to go to the store. I don't need someone to spend the day with him when I can do it myself. Also the nursing service shouldn't be the issue here it should be insurance. But its not so I think I have decided that unless things drastically change, I'm done when my authorization is up. I am tired of having one more medical thing that I have to call over and over again. Especially when I can't rely on them enough to make the nursing service worth my time because there is no way I could have a job and miss as many days as I would have to. I'll just have to find a very good babysitter.