Shouldn't this be something that isn't a hassel?

For the past few months I have been lucky enough to have a nursing service that sends a nurse to my house to help with George. This all started after George's Nissen surgery because the hospital staff was appalled at the fact that I, a nonmedical person, was home alone with no help taking care of my own son. I was extremely hesitant to start because I was so nervous about bringing someone in to my "turf" to take care of my son. I felt like it would make me a bad mother because I was a stay at home mother so what in the world would I need with a nurse. But eventually the hospital staff and my home health nurse convinced me to try it and I had a wonderful nurse come and take care of George. I was lucky enough to have a nurse with the opinion that as the mother I would know what George needed and who seemed competent enough that I was okay leaving him alone with her. I was starting to think that maybe, just maybe I could start going back to work.

Than it started to become unreliable. My nurse got sick, her son got sick, it snowed and she couldn't get out of her driveway, she was running late for this reason or that, she had a doctor's appt etc etc etc. They all seemed like good excuses but there were a lot of them and all I could think is what the hell would I do if I had to go to work today? I would be screwed. Because you can't take a special needs 7 month old into work with you. It doesn't work. Luckily I had my nurse during the hardest months when George was recovering from surgery but as George recovers back to his usual self I'm starting to realize that really there is very little that makes me different than a mommy with a normal baby. In fact there are things that make it easier for me. George can sleep when he eats. Due to his paralyzed vocal chords his cry is like a tiny mew that is more cute and heart breaking than irritating. Taking George out on errands is difficult, but it would be if he didn't have the condition he does because HES A BABY.

So today when my nurse didn't show up. And I called the nursing office to find out "Sorry it was a miscommunication, it was my fault". I started to think is this a hassel really worth it. Not only am I expected to constantly babysit my coordinator than whether I'm home or not, whether I have company or not there is a person in my house Monday through Friday from 9 to 5 and I do not live in a large house. 1200 square feet and the nurse hangs out in the two rooms that I use the most. And they are here on days Jarrod works so if we need to do something together George has to come with us. What I really need is someone to come sit with him when I have a drs appt or I want to go to the store. I don't need someone to spend the day with him when I can do it myself. Also the nursing service shouldn't be the issue here it should be insurance. But its not so I think I have decided that unless things drastically change, I'm done when my authorization is up. I am tired of having one more medical thing that I have to call over and over again. Especially when I can't rely on them enough to make the nursing service worth my time because there is no way I could have a job and miss as many days as I would have to. I'll just have to find a very good babysitter.