My dogs killed another deer (they killed one last year around this time when they were only six months old). Lucky me this time I got to watch the entire thing because it was in the backyard. As usual I opened the door to let Hans and Heidi out. I noticed Hans sprint out the back door and Heidi follow close behind leaping of the steps. So I looked out to see what could have gotten them in such a tizzy and there's two does in the backyard. I continued to watch because I was worried that one would lure Hans out of the yard and that I would have to go chase him down. Instead as the deer were fleeing, Hans close behind, I see one take a huge leap and the other run smack dab into our little fenced in area. It didn't have a chance. Hans kinda nipped at it but Heidi went straight for the throat. I was in shock, it was like watching the cheetahs take down a gazelle on Big Cat Diary. Except it was my backyard and my dogs.
I weakly called Jarrod. He threw his boots on and ran out to get them off their fresh kill. Luckily as older and wiser dogs Jarrod was able to get them off the thing quickly, but not in time to save it. So then we had to call the Sheriff's office to report our little murderers and then hang the thing in a tree since Jarrod had to get to work.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Bleh!
George is no longer interested in baby food. I could just cry. It is so frustrating. Now when I try to put the baby food in my mouth I get a weird face, he spits it out, and what he doesn't spit out he gags on. Why is it every time we get one step forward we seem to go 2 steps back!?! At this rate George is always going to eat through a tube. While its nice for colds, giving medicine, and keeping him a healthy weight, dealing with all that is worth it for him to be a regular kid. I want him to be able to eat at friends houses and during lunch at school.I just pray that this isn't an unrealistic hope.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Peaches for Free
Is it weird that I almost feel upset that my son is not a huge fan of peach baby food? Today he tried peach for the first time and the response was meh. He even pushed it back out like what is this stuff you are giving me. I LOVE peach baby food. I was still eating it every now and than at like 12 and I am pretty sure that I will be finishing any leftovers that he has from the stuff now.
It was so exciting when George did well at the swallow study but now faced with what we are actually able to do, it just seems like so little. Every bite is such a huge deal but its such a little thing. And its so depressing when he doesn't seem interested at all. He looks at me like why are you trying to put this stuff in my mouth. The dread comes pouring back in that maybe he's just going to have to eat this way for the rest of his life. Maybe I'm going to have to say "No rough housing you might tear out George's button" when he wants to play with his future siblings. Maybe he wont have siblings.
We are thinking we want more children and my doctor gave me the name of a geneticist with Boston College to get in touch with. That was two weeks ago. In a way I'm terrified of the minute possibility that maybe, just maybe this is a genetics issue. What if this is the only kind of child I can have? What if every one of them is a major risk for having some severe medical issue that makes it impossible for them to be just like other kids. Than what? Do we go forward fingers crossed that the next child will be physically fine? I don't think I could handle another NICU/PICU baby. Those first two and a half month's where George lived in the hospital was so hard. Every day I fought a nervous breakdown. All of a sudden your a mom and now you are responsible for another human being. In a way that other mom's luckily don't have to be. You are the one saying yes I think we should do this surgery. And every day you visit this child that barely feels like he's yours because all your contact is so sterile and observed. And you are still so naive that you think the doctors and nurses know what is right and what is best because they went to school for it, they see it every day. It took me a while before I realized that while they may have seen other children with conditions like my son, they weren't my son. Every child is going to be unique. There is no one size fits all with health care. By the time I went back to the hospital I knew that I know George better than any of them and while they are trained professionals and I should take into consideration their knowledgeable ideas and suggestions, they are not going to be 100% right and most of the time it is just an opinion.
To think if I had listened to 75% of the the doctors I worked with George would have a tract right now. And for what? The off chance that he might need it. He may be noisy but he breaths just fine without one. The last thing I needed was another foreign object in his body that I had to watch for complications just because there is this slight chance he may need one in the future. That is one thing that I am proud I gave my son a chance with. That I fought those doctors because I knew he could do it. While I understand that for some children (especially other mylo, arnold chiari sufferers) this is something they need to survive, George didn't. And so many doctors ignored that fact and got so caught up in well he's probably going to need it so lets do it now so he doesn't have to have anesthesia later. If all the doctors had said yes it would have been a different matter but I paid attention to the pulmonologists who told me of the constant repairs and the ENT who held out as long as possible. And look at George now breathing on his own and trying peach baby food. :)
It was so exciting when George did well at the swallow study but now faced with what we are actually able to do, it just seems like so little. Every bite is such a huge deal but its such a little thing. And its so depressing when he doesn't seem interested at all. He looks at me like why are you trying to put this stuff in my mouth. The dread comes pouring back in that maybe he's just going to have to eat this way for the rest of his life. Maybe I'm going to have to say "No rough housing you might tear out George's button" when he wants to play with his future siblings. Maybe he wont have siblings.
We are thinking we want more children and my doctor gave me the name of a geneticist with Boston College to get in touch with. That was two weeks ago. In a way I'm terrified of the minute possibility that maybe, just maybe this is a genetics issue. What if this is the only kind of child I can have? What if every one of them is a major risk for having some severe medical issue that makes it impossible for them to be just like other kids. Than what? Do we go forward fingers crossed that the next child will be physically fine? I don't think I could handle another NICU/PICU baby. Those first two and a half month's where George lived in the hospital was so hard. Every day I fought a nervous breakdown. All of a sudden your a mom and now you are responsible for another human being. In a way that other mom's luckily don't have to be. You are the one saying yes I think we should do this surgery. And every day you visit this child that barely feels like he's yours because all your contact is so sterile and observed. And you are still so naive that you think the doctors and nurses know what is right and what is best because they went to school for it, they see it every day. It took me a while before I realized that while they may have seen other children with conditions like my son, they weren't my son. Every child is going to be unique. There is no one size fits all with health care. By the time I went back to the hospital I knew that I know George better than any of them and while they are trained professionals and I should take into consideration their knowledgeable ideas and suggestions, they are not going to be 100% right and most of the time it is just an opinion.
To think if I had listened to 75% of the the doctors I worked with George would have a tract right now. And for what? The off chance that he might need it. He may be noisy but he breaths just fine without one. The last thing I needed was another foreign object in his body that I had to watch for complications just because there is this slight chance he may need one in the future. That is one thing that I am proud I gave my son a chance with. That I fought those doctors because I knew he could do it. While I understand that for some children (especially other mylo, arnold chiari sufferers) this is something they need to survive, George didn't. And so many doctors ignored that fact and got so caught up in well he's probably going to need it so lets do it now so he doesn't have to have anesthesia later. If all the doctors had said yes it would have been a different matter but I paid attention to the pulmonologists who told me of the constant repairs and the ENT who held out as long as possible. And look at George now breathing on his own and trying peach baby food. :)
Friday, February 19, 2010
My dead music
Lately I find myself hating music videos and performances. All I can think is the regretful "I could do that." But there are plenty of reasons why I couldn't. Number one being my fear of rejection. Being in music involves constantly being rejected. Even those who have "made it" in music are constantly being critiqued and put down by critics and regular people alike. You can't please everyone. Starting in music is rejection after rejection in auditions and performances. There are very few who never get to feel that. And vocal music is so personal, its your voice. Something that can only be changed so much like your hair or your looks. Some people are never going to look good no matter how much they work out, they will never be a model. And they can't change that. Same with people, no matter how much you practice or work with vocal coaches, there is a limit to what you can achieve with your voice. After a rejection in my college's vocal program, being told I had no talent by a well meaning father, and being rejected later by an a Capella group. I was done. I gave up the only thing I was ever passionate about in my entire life. Now I feel lost. I have nothing to do. I live in an area where music and singing groups are few and far between. The only person I perform for is my son who cries if I sing anything in a real voice. I miss music desperately. I will always be plagued by what ifs. What if I had auditioned at other schools, what if I had auditioned for a group my freshman year, what if I had tried out for American Idol. Probably things would not be any different. Maybe I would be teaching voice lessons or singing in a church choir. I don't think I ever had the ego to make it, to believe that what I do is the best, to not feel nervous or self conscious when I sing in front of others. But either way I will always have to live with the what if's and I hope that I can use that to push my kids to at least try. Sometimes it is just better to know you tried your best and failed instead of living with the nagging what would have happened
Babysteps in food
My son George has difficulty swallowing. Because of this he eats through his MicKey button which looks like the valve you use to blow up a beach ball or pool floaty. He looks like a little inflatble baby. :) We tried to get him to drink from a bottle for month's only to find that he couldn't handle the thin consistency and was aspirating. For a while we had to put the whole eating by mouth project was put on hold but once George hit 6 months he was old he had reached an age where baby food could be a safe choice. We started giving him small timid spoonfuls of sweet potatoe, cartot, apple and banana; terrified that all this time that food was sliding into his lungs. It is really difficult to tell because when George aspirated milk it looked like nothing bad was happening, it didn't bother him at all. I had almost completely given up hope of George ever eating like a normal kid. Which for a food addict like myself is unimaginable. Than last Tuesday we had a swallow study. He did great! We watched the radioactive carrot baby food go where it should on the xray screen. And when he wasnt swallowing he was protecting his airway by pooling the food in the back of his throat. My little chipmunk was eating! While he still can't handle drinking anything, the thicker baby food will help him to build up the muscles in his mouth and throat so that a cup of milk can become a possibility. We are so excited and my goal to have his button removed by preK.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Yay for change!
I feel like it's Christmas. By the end of next week I will have a nice new couch in my living room. One that will fit two people sleeping comfortably and yet not massive (which is key because my living room is tiny). It's a Bobkona sectional in sage and I hope that the color is what I what. It's just so scary buying things online. Also my husband let me purchase a countertop dishwasher today! After over a year of handwashing dishes I am so tired of it. And my hands definitely feel the pain from it. No matter what dishsoap I use they end up dry and chapped from the hot water. A dishwasher will be wonderful for sanitizing the millions of things that I should be sanitizing for George. After looking at lots of products and websites I decided on this model that fits 6 place setings and is an Edgestar. We will hope that it works as well as it does for the other people who reviewed it. I didn't find a bad review about it other than a complaint that it was a little bit blocky. But its not like you can fit 6 place settings in a toaster so I expect big and blocky. And lastly my wonderful husband has been cutting tiles to finally get me started on tiling that bathroom floor. So I am super excited about the progress we are making! (Especially after a long lull due to sickness and snow) Yay for good change!
Friday, February 12, 2010
A new year
Yes this post is a little bit late and yes i don't do anything but sit around on the computer in my jammies but it has taken until now and I think I am ready. It is time to start blogging, working out, actively looking for a job, joining some art classes. I need to stop being soo passive in my life if I want to start having a change for the better.
My son is doing great. He is almost completely off oxygen support, his strider is almost completely gone, he rarely wretches, and he he may soon (fingers crossed for Tuesday) be able to take food by mouth. And through all the pain and hospital stays he is such a happy little guy. So I should learn from George to just move on and live life no matter what hardships come my way.
I need to create and change and earn something myself. If I lock myself into being a mommy only I might lose myself. Then when the kids move on and have their own lives I will have nothing. So the time for change is now. Before the craziness of school and teams and after school activities. While the ghost of old me hasn't quite drifted away. I'm ready for a change (and one that actually happens unlike what we were promised by certain politicians:) )
My son is doing great. He is almost completely off oxygen support, his strider is almost completely gone, he rarely wretches, and he he may soon (fingers crossed for Tuesday) be able to take food by mouth. And through all the pain and hospital stays he is such a happy little guy. So I should learn from George to just move on and live life no matter what hardships come my way.
I need to create and change and earn something myself. If I lock myself into being a mommy only I might lose myself. Then when the kids move on and have their own lives I will have nothing. So the time for change is now. Before the craziness of school and teams and after school activities. While the ghost of old me hasn't quite drifted away. I'm ready for a change (and one that actually happens unlike what we were promised by certain politicians:) )
Thursday, September 24, 2009
My Life Upside Down: The Beginning
So now I have a baby, my son George. Life is all about him. I wake up when his first feeding is and I go to bed when he has fallen asleep for the night. The middle of my day is spent sitting around with him in my lap with his pacy because that is what keeps him happy.
For me the birth was easy. A scheduled C-section. I was starting to have contractions but I was not feeling them. They injected pain medicine into my spine and pulled a curtain infront of my shoulders so that while I was laying down I could not see them cutting me open to get the baby out. The whole operation was a blurr. My husband sat next to me holding my hand. They asked if he wanted to see the baby and then a nurse yelled that wouldn't be a good idea the baby wasn't breathing. Jarrod started to feel dizzy at that point and had to be escorted out for some water. They finally got George to breath but he was striderous (which meant when he breathed he squeaked) this was due to a floppy airway. My son could not breath on his own. They asked if I wanted to see him. I gave him a kiss in my loopy confused state and he was taken away.
When I came back to feeling I was in a sterile room with my husband and my nurse. My legs were straight but because I did not get them in that position when I lost feeling they felt bent and uncomfortable. I kept yelling at poor Jarrod to fix my legs make them straight. Eventually I was carted down a floor to my room. They rolled me onto a bed.
I didn't feel pain right away. I was uncomforatable and nauseous but I didn't feel the slice in my lower abdomen. I spent a lot of time watching HGTV and sleeping. I could see the other mom's waddling though the halls holding or carting their child and I was so jealous. There was no baby in my room. Jarrod went up to the NICU to see the baby but I was not even well enough to go see him. Then to make matters worse, our dog Heidi had run away and was found by a neighbor. Jarrod had to leave me and go home. It felt empty and awful alone in my room.
For me the birth was easy. A scheduled C-section. I was starting to have contractions but I was not feeling them. They injected pain medicine into my spine and pulled a curtain infront of my shoulders so that while I was laying down I could not see them cutting me open to get the baby out. The whole operation was a blurr. My husband sat next to me holding my hand. They asked if he wanted to see the baby and then a nurse yelled that wouldn't be a good idea the baby wasn't breathing. Jarrod started to feel dizzy at that point and had to be escorted out for some water. They finally got George to breath but he was striderous (which meant when he breathed he squeaked) this was due to a floppy airway. My son could not breath on his own. They asked if I wanted to see him. I gave him a kiss in my loopy confused state and he was taken away.
When I came back to feeling I was in a sterile room with my husband and my nurse. My legs were straight but because I did not get them in that position when I lost feeling they felt bent and uncomfortable. I kept yelling at poor Jarrod to fix my legs make them straight. Eventually I was carted down a floor to my room. They rolled me onto a bed.
I didn't feel pain right away. I was uncomforatable and nauseous but I didn't feel the slice in my lower abdomen. I spent a lot of time watching HGTV and sleeping. I could see the other mom's waddling though the halls holding or carting their child and I was so jealous. There was no baby in my room. Jarrod went up to the NICU to see the baby but I was not even well enough to go see him. Then to make matters worse, our dog Heidi had run away and was found by a neighbor. Jarrod had to leave me and go home. It felt empty and awful alone in my room.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A long day of nothing
Today feels like such a long day of doing nothing. It takes me an hour to get to my doctor and it took an extra half hour to be able to see her because she was on call the night before and a patient went into labor. Maybe it is from growing up in Arlington but I just don't mind waiting. All those years of traffic and overcrowded stores have made me be at peace with waiting. So I just sat patiently in the waiting room enjoying the quiet working on a sudoku. I was amazed when an elderly woman came in complaining that she came with plenty of time to see her doctor and had to wait 10 WHOLE MINUTES! She was flipping out on the poor nurse whose job was just to escort her to her waiting room. Apparently she didn't notice that everyone was waiting not just her. I will never understand some people's sense of entitlement.
My appointment lasted maybe 10 minutes and I was back on the road. All is well with the baby and me as usual. I won't get to see him on an ultrasound for another 2 weeks so no clue about the hydrocephalus but I have noticed all the same movement and hiccups so I dont feel any change. My doctor realized that she scheduled her vacation to start the day that my C-section had been scheduled for (she is a bit of a scatterbrain sometimes). So now thank goodness, she will be coming in to do my operation and then leaving for her vacation because "she really wants to do this section". Which helped me greatly in my confidence in her and my choice to stay in Roanoke for all the operations. If she had sent me to someone else I probably would have had a nervous breakdown.
I finally got out of there and went over to the mall. I made the mistake of going into Motherhood. I have a little bit of a shopping problem. As long as I stay out of the stores I am okay but once I go in and see stuff I like at good prices? Im lost. It was an entire store of clothing that was comfortable even in my enormous state. I ended up buying two extremely comfy dresses and two comfy t-shirts. I was going to buy yoga pants but I held off because Im done in 4 weeks and the dresses and stuff I have already will be plenty. And then the nice lady at the register was nicely surprised at how far along I was (yes I am well aware she may of been faking) but she told me I looked amazing for how far along I was. I guess most 35 week pregnant ladies are an absolute mess? Who knows. Jarrod doesn't let me indulge myself too much. And actually I love him for it. With the wrong guy I would be bedridden eating dumplings and raspberry sorbet while watching cable all day. Jarrod makes me eat better and at least try to work out. Trust me I need it.
On the way home from the mall I ran out of gas so I stopped by a gas station on my route that I have never been to. I will never go back there again! The trash cans were stuffed to the brim. I put the gas pump on auto and the shutoff didn't work. I was watching it wondering why it hadn't finished yet when the pump started making weird noises. I went to take it out and my legs were splashed with gasoline and my car. I went to get the windshield cleaning brush to wash off my car and there wasn't one. All I had to clean myself and my car were paper towels. And I ended up paying for a quarter gallon that just ended up on the ground. I was pissed but being my usual passive self I just stormed into my car and drove off so I could get a shower. But obviously to make myself feel better I had to go get a blizzard from DQ. :)
When I came home I took a nap until it was time to help Jarrod get ready for work. I hate when he has night shifts, it makes me feel so lonely. I don't want to do any work around the house, I don't want to feed myself, I just mope around and feel sorry for myself. This time wasn't very different. I tried to go to walmart to get my prescription for my poison ivy (yes it does make being pregnant more annoying when your entire massive body is covered with an itchy rash). Of course I didn't have a prescription card so no I couldn't get my prescription. I wanted to scream but instead stocked up on icecream, fruit snacks, cereal, and tortellinis. All things I have been craving. :)
My appointment lasted maybe 10 minutes and I was back on the road. All is well with the baby and me as usual. I won't get to see him on an ultrasound for another 2 weeks so no clue about the hydrocephalus but I have noticed all the same movement and hiccups so I dont feel any change. My doctor realized that she scheduled her vacation to start the day that my C-section had been scheduled for (she is a bit of a scatterbrain sometimes). So now thank goodness, she will be coming in to do my operation and then leaving for her vacation because "she really wants to do this section". Which helped me greatly in my confidence in her and my choice to stay in Roanoke for all the operations. If she had sent me to someone else I probably would have had a nervous breakdown.
I finally got out of there and went over to the mall. I made the mistake of going into Motherhood. I have a little bit of a shopping problem. As long as I stay out of the stores I am okay but once I go in and see stuff I like at good prices? Im lost. It was an entire store of clothing that was comfortable even in my enormous state. I ended up buying two extremely comfy dresses and two comfy t-shirts. I was going to buy yoga pants but I held off because Im done in 4 weeks and the dresses and stuff I have already will be plenty. And then the nice lady at the register was nicely surprised at how far along I was (yes I am well aware she may of been faking) but she told me I looked amazing for how far along I was. I guess most 35 week pregnant ladies are an absolute mess? Who knows. Jarrod doesn't let me indulge myself too much. And actually I love him for it. With the wrong guy I would be bedridden eating dumplings and raspberry sorbet while watching cable all day. Jarrod makes me eat better and at least try to work out. Trust me I need it.
On the way home from the mall I ran out of gas so I stopped by a gas station on my route that I have never been to. I will never go back there again! The trash cans were stuffed to the brim. I put the gas pump on auto and the shutoff didn't work. I was watching it wondering why it hadn't finished yet when the pump started making weird noises. I went to take it out and my legs were splashed with gasoline and my car. I went to get the windshield cleaning brush to wash off my car and there wasn't one. All I had to clean myself and my car were paper towels. And I ended up paying for a quarter gallon that just ended up on the ground. I was pissed but being my usual passive self I just stormed into my car and drove off so I could get a shower. But obviously to make myself feel better I had to go get a blizzard from DQ. :)
When I came home I took a nap until it was time to help Jarrod get ready for work. I hate when he has night shifts, it makes me feel so lonely. I don't want to do any work around the house, I don't want to feed myself, I just mope around and feel sorry for myself. This time wasn't very different. I tried to go to walmart to get my prescription for my poison ivy (yes it does make being pregnant more annoying when your entire massive body is covered with an itchy rash). Of course I didn't have a prescription card so no I couldn't get my prescription. I wanted to scream but instead stocked up on icecream, fruit snacks, cereal, and tortellinis. All things I have been craving. :)
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Baby is almost here
Things have seriously brightened up since my last post although they have become a hectic mess. When we went to the prenatal specialist the next day we found out that our babies condition, while it could still be severe, is not necessarily hopeless. Yes he has spina bifida but he does not have Hydrocephalus which is great and we pray it stays that way. He only has one club foot and he can open his hands. There are no signs that this is anything more than a back malformation. He could still possibly walk and he will probably be just as smart as any other children we decide to have.
My life has become a hectic mess of course though. A baby with Spina Bifida means a baby with lots of doctors. I have been hounded constantly about my choices by the MIL and its frustrating because there is no way to know whether or not I am making the right choice. I had decided to go with the OB who delivered the bad news, she has been doing this a long time and the C-section should be cake for her. I decided to go with a Neurologist from the area because I had heard good things about her and all I have heard about the amazing one at UVA has not been that great. I still have to pick a pediatrician, a urologist, and an orthopedic surgeon. I am not looking forward to it. Especially since people in the Spina Bifida Association here did not have good things to say about the urologists and othopedics in this area. I have lots of traveling with my little newborn to look forward to.
I got the recommendation for my neurologist however because my husband ended up in the hospital for his knee. (What else can we go through is what it feels like some days.) Only Jarrod would end up with a staph infection because he popped his knee hiking then got an infected midge bite on his shin. Does it get any more random. So here I was driving an hour every day to see him at the hospital when I was 33 weeks pregnant. I was too big to have to take care of someone. And yet there I was bringing him clean clothes, and books, and snacks. He was extremely frustrated because he was stuck in a bed, fully aware and awake, stuck watching tv in a bed that was uncomfortable. After a week of this he was told it would take 6 weeks to fully heal. Just in time for my C-section.
Despite his condition, Jarrod still managed to finally hang drywall in the babies room, (we are really running out of time) with his grandfather. Hopefully I will still be able to paint when the walls are ready, they still need to be mudded but there is hope now that this room will be ready when the baby gets here. Not so much for the baby but so I have a place for my mom to sleep while she is here helping me recover and deal with a newborn.
Tomorrow is yet another doctors visit and I am so excited for this baby to get here. We are nervous about what the future entails and what his condition will be but I have lots of hope. No matter what he is like he will be loved and have a warm home and big accepting family. We are so lucky to have been able to learn about his condition and get over our shock ahead of time. This way we can learn as much as possible about his condition and prepare as much as we can for his needs. I just hope that God is watching over us and helps our son to have a wonderfully fulfilling life here.
My life has become a hectic mess of course though. A baby with Spina Bifida means a baby with lots of doctors. I have been hounded constantly about my choices by the MIL and its frustrating because there is no way to know whether or not I am making the right choice. I had decided to go with the OB who delivered the bad news, she has been doing this a long time and the C-section should be cake for her. I decided to go with a Neurologist from the area because I had heard good things about her and all I have heard about the amazing one at UVA has not been that great. I still have to pick a pediatrician, a urologist, and an orthopedic surgeon. I am not looking forward to it. Especially since people in the Spina Bifida Association here did not have good things to say about the urologists and othopedics in this area. I have lots of traveling with my little newborn to look forward to.
I got the recommendation for my neurologist however because my husband ended up in the hospital for his knee. (What else can we go through is what it feels like some days.) Only Jarrod would end up with a staph infection because he popped his knee hiking then got an infected midge bite on his shin. Does it get any more random. So here I was driving an hour every day to see him at the hospital when I was 33 weeks pregnant. I was too big to have to take care of someone. And yet there I was bringing him clean clothes, and books, and snacks. He was extremely frustrated because he was stuck in a bed, fully aware and awake, stuck watching tv in a bed that was uncomfortable. After a week of this he was told it would take 6 weeks to fully heal. Just in time for my C-section.
Despite his condition, Jarrod still managed to finally hang drywall in the babies room, (we are really running out of time) with his grandfather. Hopefully I will still be able to paint when the walls are ready, they still need to be mudded but there is hope now that this room will be ready when the baby gets here. Not so much for the baby but so I have a place for my mom to sleep while she is here helping me recover and deal with a newborn.
Tomorrow is yet another doctors visit and I am so excited for this baby to get here. We are nervous about what the future entails and what his condition will be but I have lots of hope. No matter what he is like he will be loved and have a warm home and big accepting family. We are so lucky to have been able to learn about his condition and get over our shock ahead of time. This way we can learn as much as possible about his condition and prepare as much as we can for his needs. I just hope that God is watching over us and helps our son to have a wonderfully fulfilling life here.
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